Revisiting Eden

"A woman replays things in her head."

I have been replaying that statement in my head, since Thursday when I first heard it. One magical morning and I have been inspired to write another story, one with as happy an ending as I could find within myself.

To A.D., if you are reading this, so much of what is written on this blog, like my previous post, is just bullshit and bluster and exaggeration and trying to get a rise out of people and retaining an interest in this impending book that is taking so much energy out of my soul to write.

The few hours we had, they felt real and although I would not change a thing in them, I have thought long and hard about our conversation on "attachment", and I recognise the fear that was behind it on my part, and on yours as well.

I fooled myself into thinking that I could be content in the immediacy of the moment with you, that I could take that moment for whatever it was worth and through it all this song, "Iris", kept playing in my head, particularly the lines which go:

"All I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
'Cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight."

The truth is, an increasing part of me has missed you every night since then, and I am going to miss you tonight again. I have been humbled by your touch, and I feel blessed that you let your eyes linger on me long enough to try to see if what I told you had meaning or not.

This is my dilemma. Because of the richness of the brief time we spent together, I can go on and cherish the memory of that interlude in my life and pay homage to it in my work...and that would be enough really. But I see also in my heart that we could spend a longer time together, laughing like we did about our scars, both inside and out, and the next time we could let the morning drift into the night, or the months or years perhaps. And I want that.

If we never see each other again, I wish you well on your journeys and I want you know that love is out there and you, blessed among women, will find it once you just let your eyes focus one more time when that thing in your gut feels right. If we do see each other again, I want to be one who takes those journeys with you. It's as simple as that.